Saturday, April 7, 2012

1-5: In which Sothe finally proves himself

Chapter 1-5: A serious lack of sanity

The history of Tellius is a history of Warfare, or so the troubadours sing.

Really? I was unaware the mounted healers were so into singing. That bitch Clarines been holding out on me hasn't she?

The beorc fight with the weapons of man--the sword, the axe, the lance, and the magic arts, while the laguz, able to transform into beast, bird, and dragon, are weapons unto themselves.

The heron prince Rafiel, the wolf queen of Hatary, Naliah, and her vassal, Volug.

A sign of what? that Micaiah is going to meet with Laguz? then shit yeah. A sign of anything else? highly doubtful, stop being cryptic when there's no reason to be stupid narrator.

Apparently since 1-4 we've been dicking about in the middle of bumfuck, nowhere and then Micaiah remembers that we came out here for a reason

Either way Micaiah starts spamming her Empathy powers hoping to get a read on... well anything at this point, they gave up trying to eat Meg because she tastes of old socks and grease. She knows we'll find it in the desert though, Thanks Micaiah, I couldn't have figured that out without you.

And before you ask, her 'Empathy' powers, which she is using here. Are not the same as Farsight.


Leo and Laura support for the chapter, The attack, defense, evade and hit boosts are all useful for Leonardo, And Laura's usually in range of his group to benefit.


We sell pretty much all our healing items in order to afford the Spirit Dust, then when I realize we get an Info Conversation for 10,000 Gold, we end up buying the Iron Longbow and Wind Edge. We also sell Edwards old Iron Sword and buy him a new one, and buy Laura a new 'Heal' staff since her old one is pretty banged up.

Info Conversations:

Naliah needs us for something.

Naliah is worried about us heading off into the desert on our lonesome, after all Micaiah is still going to be ORKOed by anything that isn't a mage in that game, so she's definitly in need of a meat shield. Micaiah tries to shoot it down for... some unspoken reason, probably because while she's a deluded patriot who has her head so far up Daeins ass that she's constantly eating whatever shit fed to her, she still realizes "They are kind of racist pricks, even after the whole 3 years of being treated like dirt."

So Naliah not to be deterred, agrees to Volugs suggestion to halfshift and accompany us in his Wolf form and thus reduces his value until part 3 for me. It's not that I've got something against using Volug when it's required (especially the coming map when I realized too late he could have gotten a few kills) but Half-Shift is about 20x more useful when I can control it.

The problem is by the time the LEA join us, the whole halfshift thing doesn't mean anything, hell Begnion sees right through it. So Daein is a country apparently inhabited by idiot racists. So rednecks, hi-oh!

Anyway Micaiah gets her inner-bitch on and wonders how Naliah can call Volug a Dog. I guess she's technically correct it would be 'Canis lupus' but that's just wordy, regardless Naliah agrees that Volug isn't anywhere near as obedient, clearly missing the point and we get Volug into our army.

You know we may have recruited Aran and Laura but we should probably let them know what we are... wait what are we? revolutionaries? we're doing a terrible job if we are.

Wait hold the fuck up we traveled from the middle of bumfuck, nowhere (Forest Edition) to the middle of bumfuck, nowhere (Desert Edition) and you didn't bother to find out anything about EITHER of them? Hell we fought along side each other just one map ago, did anyone feel like this info conversation was relegated a chapter after when it should have been?

Ugh, anyway, Micaiah is just now getting around to finding out things about her allies, she thanks Aran for making it so they could escape in the first place, and she says he just couldn't stand by any longer when he saw Laura, He asks her what's become of Daein, since most of the clergy has been excommunicated and sent to priso- really? I mean... we're honestly doing this? so evil that even serving the same Goddess they fuck over their own churches? The kid-killing, rapist, oppressors weren't evil enough? This is another on the pile of "This is just cartoonish" I mean I expect to be told they kicked a puppy next, they needed more negative traits? How about sexist? smelly feet? child molesters? At this point Begnion will invent the railroad simply so they can tie Micaiah to it, all the while twirling their newly grown Snidely Whiplash mustaches, yes even the ones who already HAVE Mustaches. Or should we just drop pretense and outright call them Nazi's?

I'm sorry got way off subject there. Anyway, Aran asks if her clergy has been thrown into the camps yet but Laura says it's okay because their too small to notice, and somewhere far away, the abbot is breathing his last because he never got his medicine.


I reiterate in agreement with Aran, What?

Ah, looking at Laura's eyes explains that, she's stoned off her fucking tits. Anyway Micaiah is confused and Aran just could not give too shits about his stoned out girlfriend right now, they throw her a herb, tell her to get her munchies on and Micaiah is wondering if they really seem like bandits.

I'm wondering that too, have you been holding out on me? we could be raping and pillaging and you're out here in the middle of the desert looking for a plot point?

Oh hey another talk conversation with the Dawn Brigade. Do we learn anything new about them?

Haha fuck no! Edwards still a whiny bitch who has no concept of 'realisim'

Leonardo is still a punctual serious foil to Edward.

They still exist as cardboard cutouts with crayons drawn on them.

Well Edward lets do the math, you started the game as a Level 4 Myrmidon, and you're level 13 now. So no you've improved 3.25fold, and who are we kidding you can't count.

Well you'll be a Swordmaster provided you keep getting voted in. so that's kind of invincible?

Wow even Leonardo is tired of your bullshit right now, And with a single Forged Iron sword, 50 uses, even if you crit every hit you would only be able to wipe out 50 Daein troops max. Just saying you'll probably need more than one sword.

Can you start having dreams of more character traits than the single ones you two have now? Anyway Leonardo continues on his serious "Be realistic, I'm serious about reclaiming Daein and am doing my part you need to be serious" and then Nolan drops in

Nolan actually has two character traits, though one isn't expressed.

Trait 1. Nolans older than the rest of them, so he's the 'Big Brother' figure
Trait 2. Nolan is supposed to be leader of the Dawn Brigade and if you honestly picked this up without checking the Library for information/external sources I give you credit.

He'll actually pick up a minor trait later on, which doesn't really change balls, but is nice to know.

Anyway the 3 amigos here banter back and forth about dreams and restating that we can unite under Ashnards groin-spawn, and if you haven't had enough goofy antics for one info conversation.

There's an Age gag, it's essentially the same one Titania and Boyd pulled and Titania and Nolan are both in the 30's brackets. I didn't laugh then, I'm not laughing now.

There there Nolan, we'll give you stuff to kill when the mission begins. Anyway we have one last info Conversation so lets sum this up.


Sure, hey Micaiah? WE'RE FIGHTING A WAR, NOT BUYING A NEW HOUSE! And I could certainly do with more than 10,000.

Regardless those are the info conversations done.


Micaiah, Leonardo, Laura and Aran all get up to 99 EXP IIRC. With that all out of the way it's Go-Time. OHSHI-


Micaiah takes Discipline for the map, I still haven't removed any skills from anyone. The reason is if you guys try to dick me over by saying "Take Leonardo to the endgame" then with the Double Bow Cancel will FINALLY have a purpose... This is so not worth it is it?

Anyway, with that all out of the way, it's time to begin the map.

Well to answer the question, Volug turns on HIS (Kinda)Bullshit Empathy sensing power and senses a lot of Beorc to the south. I've stopped REALLY calling bullshit on this cause there's plenty of Laguz with powers, Although if I may pose a question, Branded have these similar powers right? So what the fuck did Soren and Stefan get out of it? I could accept that Stefan got "Lions Strength" but Soren doesn't actually seem to have benefited from his brand in any way that makes sense with his heritage. I guess 'Competence' can be considered a super-power though, so lets go with that. Even though of the 3 Black Dragons we see in this game they are Incompetent, Incompetent, and Crazy Senile.

Anyway, here we have a familiar man in silver armor fucking up some Begnion troops, I will say something for this sequence, everyone who pops up actually has a reason to be here from their ending in PoR, Which is WAY MORE than I can say for half the characters in Part 2. Even though I don't agree with their justification for one who had perfectly valid reasons to be here.

Eventually you will run out of weapons, and they didn't bother to include a 'Capture' system in this game. Otherwise Tauroneo could definitely hold this line all on his own.

Jill's here as well, apparently she's regressed from promotion in PoR just like Ilyana. Must have gotten the levels fucked out of her by Rance.

Honestly we're questioning this, After the teleportation fuckery Jarod pulled in 1-2? Regardless Micaiah says we have to help them and while technically we don't (seriously we can just sit our asses down and they will handle themselves, we are in NO danger here) There are treasures and EXP to gain

So it's time to get our MURDER ON!

Turn 1.

Edward moves up and slices the shit out of this fighter, Micaiah follows behind and drops a Light on one of the Myrmidons for a level.

Get some speed up you damn hippie! Anyway Aran's up next

I let him stick with the Javelin just in case that mage tried anything fun-

Holy SHIT! Seriously, have you guys been sacrificing things in my name? or does sheer spite fuel my level ups? at this point I'm sleeping with the RNG goddess, or eating all your luck.

Any way it works for me and we move Nolan up with the hand axe equipped to stop the enemy from getting at Micaiah and Laura, who are still more fragile than than wet paper against anything but magic. Ilyana moves to block the ledge. Volug goes and shoves another Myrmidon

Nolan fucks up a Myrmidon with a Handaxe, further cementing his awesome in combat.

Laura moves up to heal Nolan and gets another level fueled by apparent ritual sacrifices.

Here's our formation at the end of Turn 1, Sothe is moving south to grab the Coin and the Master Seal.

Turn 2.

Anyway, Sothe finally realizes that he might recognize these returning PoR characters, and Micaiah wants to hurry headlong into the enemy since she realizes we don't really have the levels to compare to Tauroneo and Zihark. Ilyana decides to say hi to a fighter.

Ilyana proceeds to overkill like a BOSS, Seriously you couldn't do this on the first attack? Regardless, Edward also climbs up and slices up a Soldier while eating the counter, Everyone else moves forward and kills/maims shit, minus Laura doing her healing stuff.

Leo moves up behind Micaiah and fires from Range 3 with the Iron Longbow, he misses, but levels up due to his BEXP fueled EXP, this is actually his second level, we had a reset because Leo DIDN'T move infront of Micaiah, so that Myrmidon came down and doubled her with 100% accuracy. And with that the turn ends.

Turn 3.

Here's our visible formation on Turn 3, Nolan lucked out for me and picked up the Concoction, Micaiah drops a Thani on the Myrmidon, and Sothe pulls off 1 part of his job

Stealing that fucking Master Seal, I mean I can't sell them but they save BEXP/EXP when I hit 20.

Well Laura and Leonardo get their derpy support conversation on and she heals him up, Edward cuts up the Soldier who ran to the opposite side of the center platform and Ilyana takes it's position to shove lightning up the Fighters ass.

Aran moves up to keep up with Nolan after Volug shoved him and Meg humiliates the Myrmidon by killing him.

During the Enemy Phase the boss decides he wants to fuck with Ilyana.

And in doing so fuels another god level, guess that makes up for her Res only level. Edward also takes an unlikely hit by one of those mages, and survives on a sliver of health, unfortunately he didn't have either Wind Sword equipped.

Turn 4.

Leo whips out his Iron Longbow and blows a crater in the bosses head with his enhanced range. The level puts him at +4 on strength, but he would really like some speed to remain viable. He will cap out Skill on the next level though, so he's looking to be very receptive of BEXP levels after 1-6.

Edward may only have 1/27 health, but he's done fucking around with that mage and whips out the Wind Edge.

There are no survivors. and he Levels up to become even MORE unhitable and beefier.

Turn 5.

Everyone moves around, Sothe grabs the Coin, no one gains any levels but Leo/Ilyana run to the opposite side of the platform and nuke the enemy reinforcements. Laura heals Edward through, who really freaking needed it at this point.

This is our formation at the beginning of the enemy phase

Nolan and Aran of course have their Range weapons out to counter the two soldiers.

Turn 6.

Something I realizes for Sothe, but not Volug was that there are seriously too many enemies to care about WHO gets a kill, and I could have killed more for miniscule EXP if I hadn't made him a shove bitch, oh well, live and learn.

Ilyana weakens the remaining Myrmidon, Laura heals the rest of Edwards wounds, Volug shoves Ilyana out of the way, Micaiah moves in and snags the kill (but no level) Leonardo runs to Sothe's side of the battle field Iron Longbow in hand and I fuck up tremendously by having Nolan attack with the steel axe, and thus denying him an Enemy Phase.

Same mistake with Aran but at least he gets a level out of it

What does it say about me when I look at this and THIS is my 'bad level' of the map? A level that defines "Typical Aran Level"

Sothe steals a vulnerary and on the Enemy Phase he actually kills enough to level up

This is bad until you remember he's capped everything but Strength, Speed and Skill. Needless to say even getting 2 stats on a level up kicks ass, especially one to close the map.

Sothe is of course glad to see his old war buddies especially since he's spent the last couple of years with an idiot, a bore and an old dude. Tauroneo is glad to see Sothe grown up, because lets be honest we could not take Kid Sothe seriously. And Sothe goes to introduce Micaiah-

Someone crazy.

Oh right, Izuka shows up. Izuka is as crappy a bad guy from Path of Radiance as he is in Radiant Dawn, at least here he actually gets to do something. Even if that something is be a buttmonkey, disappear for 2 parts, and then die. but really he's an example of a poor villain even in PoR.

Yes, well get used to it Sothe, there's enough coincidence to take down a wild elephant... I don't know what that means, I probably shouldn't try to make funny at 4:16 AM

Tauroneo is down with Sothe and crew joining up with the Revolution, after all they just slaughtered Begnion troops and-

Welcome to Izuka's role in part 1, being over the top and wrong. And Evil. Blatantly Evil. You know how I mentioned as a personal preference villains should be subtle? someone to hate because they do horrific things but manage to do it in a way where you can't just stab their face in, or with such smug satisfaction that you want to break them? Izuka is not that character. I may have said "Begnion is pretty much a cartoon at the point"? Well Izuka is a cartoon, he was in PoR, he is now. Even when we learn of Izuka's horrific acts his over the top antic makes it hard to take him seriously.

So yeah Izuka's completely fucking psycho, has no problems standing by his psychosis, but we keep him around because he's a tactician. As we'll find out next chapter? he's a bad tactician. Okay Imagine someone took Kefka, stripped away the whole "ended the god damn world so he can act however he wants" and left him in. That's Izuka.

You're a loony.

Don't worry, if the people vote for it, I'll let you crush his little head Tauroneo. So maybe you're hoping that the rest of the revolution is slightly more held together? well

Not on your life. We have Pelleas, who's so spineless that Worms look at him and show off better posture, we have Almedha, who's...

Yeah... and Izuka, who's nuts.

So Advice-Micaiah, you want to sum this up for me?

Thank you Advice-Micaiah, I'll call you when I need you again. Anyway, Izuka places Micaiah in the Vice-General position, and the girl correctly points out that she doesn't actually know anything about war or battle tactics. Izuka then says that she's survived this far and I can't help but feel that surviving on the streets with a small band is very different to leading an army. Then again Izuka. Insane. Anyway Sothe see's right through this bullshit as a scheme to use Micaiah as a figurehead and Izuka?

Is Izuka, even if I had just met the man I would not trust him, Pelleas starts asking for help through, saying that he doesn't know anything of battle but he needs to be strong as well. This would hold way more weight if we weren't picking him up in Part 4, but that's nitpicky, don't worry though Pelleas will soon grow to the standard set by Izuka and Almedha. Anyway Micaiah accepts because she trusts Izuka.

Sothe can't believe what she's doing, and she says they both changed. Right Sothe became a much more likable individual because he understands that actions have consequences and to do the things you believe in. Micaiah... well Micaiah became Micaiah, so ultimately Sothe was the one who profited.

Then help as a soldier? you admit to not being a tactician, though the game would greatly be helped if you were- And yes I just said it would be an improvement if she actually WAS a good tactician, it would certainly help alleviate the stupid of coming missions. She believes in Pelleas because she can see deep in his heart that he wants to save Daein.

Okay Micaiah, I didn't realize you could see multiple futures with Farsight, Oh I give up trying to make sense of how her powers work, the games not going to keep consistent so I'm not going to bother keeping up with it.

Sothe is really the only one of this pair who understands the weight of this promise, by promising to protect her he promises to stand by her no matter what. I actually think she spits on this promise a few times later on, when she doesn't seem to grasp it's weight.

Well that's the end of 1-5, curious as to our MVP this chapter?

Sothe And honestly he deserves it, not for his kills, but stealing a Master Seal, a Vulnerary and getting the Coin. he achieved every goal I requested of him. Good job Sothe.

I'll see you all in 1-6: You are SO not a Professional Motherfucker.

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