Thursday, April 19, 2012

1-7: In which we storm a very oversold prison camp

Well, time for an update.

1-7: Biggest work camp my fucking ass.

Which all takes place off screen, honestly FE10 long abandoned the concept of "Show don't tell," in favor of "Tell, then tell again, then maybe tell 3 more times, then consider showing".

Begnion has fortified its army with weapons and supplies bought with funds stolen from Daein. Begnion has also purchased the swords of a vast number of mercenaries from these same stolen funds.

The Liberation Army does not want for willing fighters of its own. However, most are old men and inexperienced boys whose passion far outstrips their skill.

So an army of Edward and Tauroneo is bad for us? I mean for fucks sake we let FIONA join us.

The Liberation Army has no choice: it must bolster its ranks if it is to meet Begnion on equal terms.

Ah yes, those same soldiers I spent all of last game beating like school bus full of redheaded step-children. Can't we just sic Tauroneo on the closest camp and watch as he devours it?

Why are we still in Terin? Are we going to attack the Terin work camp? Hell the fuck no, apparently we knocked that shit out of the park! In which case why have we set up our main camp here, rather than the interior of a fortified building? I mean besides outright fucking laziness so we can reuse the same tent stock footage on new terrain? Well this time we'll actually be attacking a work camp! But first our strategy meeting.

Yeah, I mean at this point we're fielding Fiona, can we pop another mage? Izuka says that Pelleas doesn't have to concern himself with any petty war details and wont be attending more meetings. And that we can consider his words the princes, and the warning bells don't even get a chance this chapter and immediately start ringing. Even Micaiah starts trying to call bullshit and then-

Did you seriously just call us your 'Pretties'? Are you going to get revenge on that damned Ike and his little Soren to? Do you melt under water? Is that why you have that gimmick in Part 4? Are you after the ruby slippers? Seriously I could be here all freaking week! This is not Advanced Wars, this is not a goofy story where the male lead can ask "What's an airport again?" or "What are continents?" This is fucking Fire Emblem. I am not looking for "Lash minus the interesting parts" I expect some freaking dignity from my villains unless they happen to be an early game bandit. And since you aren't currently crapping your pants retarded and holding an axe, get your cartoon ass out of Fire Emblem.

Anyway on with the plan. Spoiler Warning: This is going to be AMAZING.

Why? They've been there for 3 years Tauroneo, I mean if the war had just ended we might have some sense of urgency, but I think at this point we're not exactly on a time limit. Also what about all the soldiers from THIS camp? What was the point of this 2 Stg. offensive that had no notable impact on the story? I went through a Multi Stg. chapter in Path of Radiance where I discovered a surviving Heron, brought the Serenes Forest back to life, and brought a chance for peace to the estranged Bird Tribes and Begnion.

What the fuck did I accomplish before? I got Fiona?

I am positively fucking thrilled.

Anyway, Sothe again wonders if our forces can handle it, this is Sothe's role in this game, the only one who remembered his god damn brain, thinking each situation through rationally and trying to gather as much information as he can. As much as the belly shirt is stupid, Sothe is one of my favorite characters in Part 1. Izuka says he has a plan for it, and just to preserve it in it's true glory.

Where the fuck have I heard that before... oh right KEFKA DID IT IN FINAL FANTASY 6! Kefka was a funny yet threatening villain who backed up his insanity with sadism. No Izuka, you are not Kefka, you are not even Kefka-Lite. You never do ANYTHING to back your shit up sans one event at the end of 1-8, at which point all relations to you should have been cut. Not to mention the world and scenario just do not accept a third string villain like you.

Here's the problem with this, what this scene amount to is

"Here, I have a plan, let's kick a puppy!"
"What? Kicking puppies doesn't achieve any of our goals, you're stupid."

As I said last update, this is Izuka, this is his role for the rest of the part. And damn it Radiant Dawn, just call them ACTS!

Damn right, poisons for pussies, lets murder them with out bare hands! Izuka of course takes this well.

Eh Micaiah, you sound like a fucking hippie again. Sothe you want to bring this in something more in lines with my blood lust tenancies?

Kickass Sothe, knew I could trust you.

Yes Izuka, I'm not sure what we would do without your plans that we never use.

They why the flying fuck is he the Tactician? Tauroneo you were OUT on the battlefield for years as a General, Jill's father was a commander, Zihark understands mercenary tactics, hell even Sothe is a better choice at this point, since he's able to accurately pin-point vital questions in the plan of action.

And don't you fucking apologize Micaiah, have a fucking spine. The man made a dumb suggestion, you called him on it, end of story. Don't puss out.

Tauroneo however is cool with Micaiah calling him out since ya know, crazy stupid plan that ruins the objective in the first place, but says they still need a plan.

ACTION MICAIAH to the rescue! Nice to know she's progressed so far from "I don't have any war experience or battle tactics." And this time she actually doesn't turn on Farsight, so she's just that smart. Despite saying that she's not that smart. Consistency much Radiant Dawn?


We have two Talk topics, lets start with the 1 Star one.

Oh this is going to be amazing. Meg is a nervous wreck who can't even get out a 'hello' without stuttering, even after Zihark says hello back.

Meg begins to list off her fucking life story with Zihark essentially going "Yeah I gathered that" until she mentions she's from Ohma, Zihark asks if that means she knows Brom and Meg says that she's his youngest Daughter. While Zihark reminisces on a game that wasn't rife with stupid writing, he remembers that Meg is supposed to be looking for someone. She says it's her fiance.

Meg says that Brom came back and told all his daughters he was going to Marry one of them to a Mercenary he met during the war, which is weird because Zihark never has to support Brom, but Radiant Dawn treats ALL supports like they happened, even though it's impossible on a game to do so. I'm not necessarily complaining, but I would have liked to have extra talk topics available from having supports from the last game. You know sans that talk topic.

Of course Zihark's just fucking horrified, and tries to set things straight, mostly that he loves fucking cat-girls and she's about Ye-Wide and hairless.

And Meg is delusional, not noticing Ziharks utter revulsion. Welp Tough Titties. Zihark, enjoy married life.

She did, now prepare to never interact with her again until very easily missed conversations in Part 3.

We've also got a 3 Star conversation with Pelleas

He's called out to Micaiah and wants to apologize because he's made her mad by not showing up to the meetings, she's peeved because, ya know, he's the freaking prince. But he says that Izuka told him not to come anymore. Micaiah is confused because, ya know, he's the prince and their 'Leader' he doesn't take orders from anyone. So he immediately says he'll ask Izuka if he can attend the next meeting.

God damn it Pelleas you make me long for the days of Elincia, Anyway Pelleas says that Izuka is pretty much responsible for the entire resistance effort, from finding him, to contacting the senators and Tauroneo, and introducing him to his mother. Which is really fucking contrasted with all we've seen of Izuka. I.E. he's incompetent at all but the most BASIC of actions. And since when did Daein have Senators? Anyway Micaiah says that she understands that Pelleas was lonely, and Izuka introduced him to his mother, and Pelleas?

Launches into fucking fanboy mode, but during the hustle he reveals a brand mark. He explains it as 'Spirit Protection' and that he made a pact with spirits to gain magical power, but he thought Micaiah already knew that since he saw her brand the other day. However when she says she didn't make a pact he just assumes that a Spirit chose her at birth, this is hilarious in multiple ways.

Anyway he also says that people have mistaken him from a Branded, but who could imagine having the blood of filthy sub humans in them?

Certainly not Pelleas, and despite revealing himself to be a Bigot, Micaiah is still totally okay with working with him, and he gives her a Brave Sword to give out to the troops so it doesn't look like he's favoring them. This goes straight to Edward.


Edward and Nolan raise their support to Rank B and Aran and Laura form a C support while she breaks her C support with Leonardo.

BEXP and Skills

Micaiah, Nolan, Laura, Leonardo, Jill, Edward and Aran all get loaded up to 99 on BEXP

Volug takes the Paragon Scroll to offset his Wildheart Skill and Micaiah picks up Discipline for more Light Ranks


The Red Gem and a bunch of Vulneraries are sold to pick up the Secret Book and the Wind Sword. Leo doesn't need a new Iron Longbow and before the end we'll have a Steel one anyway. we also sell a bunch of 1 use weaponry (except ranged stuff like the Hand Axes)

Still no Forges, haven't really needed one.

NOTE ON THE FORGE: Our first coin produces a +10% Crit, We're saving it for a Steel weapon.

Well that takes care of preparation, time to raid a prison and drop a bomb.

Everyone visible on this map is going to be a corpse by the end of this update.

Our 'Assault' as you'll find out, is essentially Tauroneo waving his dick in front of the building and baiting the army out. They can't fucking touch him, anyway he tells him to take everything but his personal guard, but the guard says they wont be able to hold Tauroneo off if the Personal guard doesn't come out and what?

This is Umono, the BIGGEST prison camp in Daein, and they don't have enough forces outside of the personal guard to not handle an attack from an undernourished force attack specifically because they are undermanned? Not to mention we had to get from Terin to Umono, and they didn't reinforce the camp. The fuck? Marado's forces were all the way in Terin with a much smaller work camp supposedly and... this is their biggest camp? shouldn't THIS be the Multi Stg. battle? especially considering we only liberate part of the camp and then Seize the throne. This doesn't make any god damn sense.

Yeah Tauroneo made this sound far more dangerous than it was, I am going to DESTROY this fucking map. RAPE TIME!!!

First things first, the demo crew you guys voted for.

Second lets re-arrange them a bit, and yes I forgot AGAIN that Nolan and Edward were supporting and kept them separated almost all map. Has anyone else noticed I'm bad at this?

Turn 1.

Aran moves up to Skullfuck a bitch with a Javelin.

And becomes even more of a fucking Tank, Leo is up next, prepare for the birth of the Sniper God.

I'm going to be honest, the only times I reset is when I die. other than that the levels I get are what I get. The only time I fucked with the RNG was in 1-6-2 and that's because it had the gal to give me a perfect level, and then kill off the Marado Knights. The Leo levels you're seeing are not a result of me save scumming.

Jill and Ed move into the Melee in the center of the map while Laura, Sothe and Micaiah head up the high road with Nolan. At this point I still wanted the 10 turn time limit (Which I hit easily mind you but... you'll see) so I'm trying to keep Sothe as close to the doors as possible.

Freestyle Time on the Enemy Phase

Strength on Jill? No fucking problem.

Hell the fuck yes Edward, perfect Frontliner level.

BOO! Even I get bad levels sometimes.

Turn 2.

Wait what the fuck are you doing here?

I mean I can't complain you two kick ass, but why are you here?

And who the fuck are you supposed to be?

Vika references Tormods Celerity skill and Muriam acts smug as shit, the fact that he's coming in with 2 capped stats, and 20 strength, he can be as fucking smug as he wants. Volug wishes he could kick this much ass.

I bet these two snarked at one another all the way through PoR.

Shut the FUCK UP JILL! you don't even support either of these guys.

Muarim runs in and his swag magnetically draws Vika in, honestly the soldiers don't seem too panicked, and spell out that flyers are weak to wind and beasts to fire, and to get Tormod before he transforms.

So Tormod sets his ass on fire and what the fuck is up with them being scared of mages, we've brought Micaiah and they have a bunch of them. Then again Tormods capped strength so maybe they just fear he'll cast 'Fist' on their asses.

Anyway, we've got control again, so it's time to commit systematic slaughter.

Micaiah Lights up an Armor for a Speed level, a Speed level is never a bad level for Micaiah.

Now it's time for a kill montage

Fucking Solid. And now it's time for Laura to heal and level up

Nice, Speed means not getting doubled, which means potentially taking a hit before dying, which you shouldn't be doing anyway but I'm a risky mofo like that.

Sothe moves up and trades Nolans Hand-Axe into his equipped weapon slot.

Volug comes down and bites the nuts of the Myrmidon before Aran Javelins him from range.

4 dudes vs Volug and Aran BRING IT ON BITCH!

Turn 3.

Well that End Phase was uneventful as all hell first things first though


These two knuckleheads finish their comedy routine and get down to business

Talky Talky after murder, sure.

Tormod gives no fucks about your ledges, he will fry your ass anyway

Leo, 54% chance to hit with the Iron Longbow, result?

Fucking nailed it., Micaiah follows up by dropping a ligh. Jill then takes her Hand Axe which is close to breaking as is and decapitates a Fire Mage. And with that (well and moving everyone) we end our turn

Turn 4.

As you can see, someone attacked Nolan. Someone is very dumb. Leo takes one look at the guy and goes "Yeah I can take him" and heads for range 3 again

I state again. I am NOT re-rolling the RNG.

Anyway Micaiah drops a light on the door and bursts open a prison to free an Ex-Daein soldier.



Volug eats another pair of Gonads but Aran is too low on health to finish this guy and survive the remaining 3 units, so he runs off to heal but stay close.

We end our turn.

Turn 5

Micaiah has another cell to open

That's fucking wonderful dude get in the va-

What? 'Maiden of Miracles'? Okay this is getting down right fucking ridiculous, she was in a 5 man resistance group that operated out of Nevassa who didn't actually achieve anything. Between here and joining with the resistance she's only been in one fight, and her title is the 'Silver Haired Maiden' which I can admit would make sense as a well known name since Izuka was spreading propaganda. And lets say that the prisoners themselves came up with this name. Why? They don't know she can perform sacrifice, Tauroneo was the acting general, what 'Miracle' has she performed? she seems to have won one battle and now she's being elevated to Messiah status. And again, this guys been locked up for 3 years. This really comes across as weird as hell.

Anyway, Jill moves to open another cell.

See, no overblown titles, "Thank you for saving me from this hell hole" simple and effective and no ego stroking. Anyway, with those guys freed, it's time to deal with the center.

This is what happens when Tormod attacks up a ledge, he gives absolutely zero fucks. He's opened the path for Edward to leap up with the wind sword and begin the slaughter.


Welcome to my reset hell, Aran needs to survive since I can't kill all these dudes in a single turn. Why can't I kill them all? Nolan only has a 1 use Hand Axe, so he can't double the final fighter.

Volug eats one of the fighters, minimizing Aran's death risk to a single dodge.

Can Leonardo feather a fucker with an Iron Longbow with 39 Hit?

The Answer?

Hell the fuck yes. Vika moves in and claws the shit out of the Myrmidon and lets Nolan move in with the hand axe

If it just had ONE MORE USE it would have killed the fighter, and I wouldn't have had to reset 9 fucking times trying to avoid a Steel Axe with 82 Displayed Hit

Turn End

Turn 6.

Muarim moves to set up for a rescue drop and decides to chat up Jill, yet another character he had no interaction with in Path of Radiance.

I don't mind RD considering all supports to be canon even though it's impossible to get them all, I don't mind that there are these new characters with relations to established older characters. But Muarim and Jill never talked, none of the LEA and Jill talked, I get that they were in the same army but why are they acting like Best Friends?

Is what I WOULD say, but this conversation is honestly so stiff you would have to censor it for fear of indecent exposure.

This sounds like a pair of robots gabbing at each other who only vaguely understand what human interaction is. This is not how people talk for fucks sake.There is no emotion, If I obscured the names, faces and Muarims use of 'Little One' would you be able to tell me which of Radiant Dawns 70+ fucking protagonists were talking? And I'm not asking for Chrono Cross's Accent Generator to pop up, but people need tells, there personalities need to mesh. I shouldn't be reading a conversation and wondering if I stumbled on a pair of Generics who tore off Jill and Muarims faces and wore them like a pulped, bloody mask.

Anyway Edward moves in and dices up the Longbowman who's been peppering Tormod. Sothe moves down and slices up a guard and then Jill open the cell door.

At least we didn't have to conscript this one. Tormod climbs the ledge and looks the Fire Mage dead in the eye.

Overkill. The best kind of kill.

Herp a mother fucking derp. Turn End.

Turn 7.

Micaiah is heading towards the boss,I forget to revert Vika and Muraim so they wind up wasting their transformations.

But first, more derp.

Quality writing, glad we got rid of personalized supports.

Do you know what time it is?

Rape time.

Jill flies over to have a chat with Tormod

Short and brief thank god.

Turn 8.

King Sniper vs Generic Archer, King Sniper wins and dodges.

Sothe goes to attack the boss and-

What? Bull in a china shop? what the fuck is a China in Fire Emblem? When I was writing a support I got told off for including "A bull in a shop" as a metaphor because "China doesn't exist" You can not just use real life sayings, you don't have to say "Like a rampaging Laguz in an item store" but don't bring up China when China doesn't exist.

Anyway Sothe gets a knife rank from it and I end my turn

Turn 9.

Seriously, King of Fucking Snipers. (not literal snipers mind you, metaphorical snipers)

Micaiah? Dust him.

Well that was a level. Turn end.

Turn 10

Well that was fun, we have Micaiah right at the throne in 10 turns, Nolan and Volug can go much on the reinforcements for a turn and th- OH FUCKBELLIES I FORGOT THE TREASURE!

Leo is shoved down by the ledge for the center reinforcements with Edward, we end our turn, and Nolan gets a level


Turn 11.

Volug gnaws on some balls and Nolan snags a kill, honestly VOLUG makes better use of the EXP here.

Edward and Leonardo jump down and we end our turn.

Turn 12-14.

Talk topic between Sothe and Muarim, hey characters who have a legit reason to know each other and be friendly!

Hehe, gonna admit I like this talk topic a lot. I like to think that Muarim is just needling him while acting completely innocent.

Ever get the feeling you just got trolled to hell and back Sothe?

And now, Level Kill Montage!

Fuck yeah Aran... Get some speed

Not a bad level, not at all

Kickass Edward.

Sothe's picked up the Master Seal and the Coin now, so we seize the throne with Micaiah for the win. Worth losing 250 BEXP? Hell the fuck yes.

Well that's the battle taken care of. So lets take care of the post battle talking.

Oh cmon he's not even HIDING his fucking evil, he's even calling it 'his' liberation army!

Uh, Begnion isn't fooled at all, how are our troops fooled, it's a sentinet doggy that can TALK and FOLLOW ORDERS!

Again, we leave Izuka in any position of importance or power... why? His plans have all been bad, he's clearly making a power play, and at the end of Next Mission he'll have pretty much stated "Yes, I'm evil and diabolical!"

Anyway we scene change to Sothe and Tormod chatting inside the tent

I legit like these two, they have pretty good chemistry and a pre-established relationship

Anyway Tormod introduces himself as Sothe's friend who served at his side under Ike and Micaiah again gets butthurt at the mere mention of Ike, but hey bitches will be bitches. Tormod and Sothe reminisce like old friends even when chatting about buisness, what buisness?

Sothe rightfully predicted that Sanaki wasn't aware of the going ons of the occupation army, so he had Tormod go deliver a message. And this is why I say he's the most competent character of Part 1. He makes moves to solve problems, he questions flaws in plans rather than just going along with them, Hitler-Stache and Jarod don't have shit on Sothe, who's already informed the apostle as to what's going on.

the Red and Green Hurricane exposit on the inner workings of Begnion to anyone who didn't play Radiant Dawn before hand and Tormod drops the good new.

We've got full reigns to utterly rip the Occupation Army a new asshole, I bet we can expect a lot of chapters as we systematically take back Daein.

This scene ends with Sothe and Tormod really showing how close they are as companions and friends, contrasting personalities and characters. It's pretty damn solid, if a bit expositional.

... Micaiah why do you look like someone shit under your nose?

Yes Micaiah, because one of his best friends just came back, and the operation was a success.

Muarim pops up, because he can do that, Micaiah doesn't seem to mind

Yes, it's almost as if his time with the Greil Mercenaries changed him, almost as if he gained true friends and companions and learned to open up more.

Yeah Muarim's already picked up that she's Branded, he's perceptive like that, and Micaiah is terrible at keeping secrets. Not to mention the normal laguz sense with the brand.

Anyway he's just giving her fair warning, stop being a damn idiot with one of your big secrets

That's a weird fucking response, it's not like Muarim just sold you out or anything. Or maybe you just realized how damn crappy you are at this whole 'keep a secret' thing?

Well that wraps up this chapter and its weird ass update schedual

This was so fucking worth losing out on 250 BEXP for those 4 levels, the Seal and the Coin.


For 1-8 we get to bring along 4 units excluding Jill, Fiona and Tauroneo. Balls. I'm pre-empting Laura for the chapter so that leaves you guys with 3 Choices each. Please for my sake remember to BOLD YOUR VOTES so it becomes easier to count

Everyones stats








By the way I used BEXP on Leonardo and he and Nolan got Master Seals.


  1. Nolan, Ilyana, Zihark

  2. Meg, Ilyana, Edward


  4. Ilyana, Eddy, Nolan.

    - Iceman

  5. I do believe Djur meant "china shop" as in a porcelain or ceramic shop.
    Although that those shops are Chinese in nature, so it's still an ill thought of line.


    1. Oh I know, point is why is it called China? it's a can of worms that doesn't need to be opened, just leaving it as "A bull in a store" would convey the same meaning.

      It's kind of like when Golden Sun said "Oh you are from the Western World" to a bunch of guys who lived on the same continent, and were only like 4 hours away.

    2. Perhaps "Bull in a glass works" would suffice.

  6. Meg, Ilyana, Nolan