Saturday, April 14, 2012

1-6: In which really stupid shit happens

Well that took fucking forever to get out.

1-6: You are SO not Professional Motherfuckers.



Daein was defeated, however, and the dreams of its ruler, Mad King Ashnard, died with him.

Ashnard's son, Pelleas, possesses a gentle sincerity that is a bright counterpoint to his late father's violence and duplicity. Ill-suited though he seems for these troubled times, his presence is a welcome sight of Micaiah's eyes.

Some might call it 'gentle sincerity' I would call it a complete lack of a spinal column.




the Silver-Haired Maiden.

You know Pelleas hasn't actually seen Micaiah DO anything, why does he think she can lead his liberation army? on top of that she's Vice General, Tauroneo is General, so really it would be Tauroneo who he thinks can lead the army. I guess my point is don't be stupid about your prologues Radiant Dawn.



Regardless welcome to Marado, inside the country of Daein, why didn't we see or hear about Marado in FE9? because we didn't see a lot of things in FE9 shut up and don't question the retcons additions to the lore. Besides, as we will find out, everyone in Marado sucks.

EVERYONE.



These Begnion Soldiers are going to administer punishment for 'Assembling' while the citizen here tries to say they were just standing around the well. Well the prologue let us know that Begnion contains prison camps where they send the men who resist them, so maybe we can see some actual scheming evil that Begnion is known fo-



Or we can just outright kill the people in the streets. You know how they say that a single death is a tragedy while a million deaths is a statistic? Right well RD hoped to combine those concepts by killing lots of people in small doses. I can not begin to describe to you how much this cheapens the death threat. Why are the Daein citizens even living like this if it's been 3 years? Nothing we've seen indicates that Begnion treats the citizens fairly in ANY capacity, and you have to think "Well if I'm going to die on the whims of an asshole, I would rather do it with a weapon in hand" It's not even like you can use the justification 'Well to spare the children' since we've seen they have no qualms about killing anyone. This goes beyond spineless, I'm going to compare and contrast to say... Final Fantasy XII right here, yes the Archadian soldiers were pretty much abusing the populace, but it was more throwing their power about, and even then there were plenty of good soldiers who DID care for Rabanastre, creating a nice contrast where you can see how the 'Evil' Empire is tolerated, because they aren't wholesale slaughtering people in the streets. But we'll get to FFXII in another LP some other time.

The point is, it's taken 3 years for open rebellion? I would have expected there to be no Daeinites LEFT at this point, because again, if they are going to kill you in the streets on any justification, what's the point in living in fear of death rather than fighting for it? Then again these are Daeinites and they are fucking stupid racist rednecks, so this shouldn't surprise me.



Well not with your eyes closed dumbass. Everyone say hi to Fiona, she's the 'Lady' of Marado which essentially makes her its ruler, and okay, rulers we can look at are Ashnard in the past and Elincia right now, and neither of those two suck. Not to mention Tibarn, Naesala, Caineghis, Dheginsea. Rulers seem to be quite badass, lets see how Fiona matches up later on.



But here's Jarod, haven't seen him in a while, he's come to make thinly veiled threats make thinly veiled threats- wait what the hell? Anyway he exposits that Marado didn't join the last war because they realized that Ashnard was fucking nuts and Jarod hopes that Fiona continues to 'rule wisely' and thus not bring up any complaints against his soldiers and endanger her people. Because her people aren't already in danger?

Anyway Fiona proves her ruling capabilities by saying she'll be siding with Begnion despite having just been threatened and witnessed her people killed like sheep, and that she wont lead her people into danger following some unknown prince. She'll just leave them in danger with the people who kill them in the streets.



So yeah right after she leaves Jarod puts someone on her tail because he doesn't trust her. Really Jarod? but you seem like such a decent and upstanding guy! I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't be fully honest with someone who just threatened to kill off an entire state.



Meanwhile back with the Heroes The guys who aren't the Begnion Army.



So yeah Izuka's been hitting the sauce and had his dudes run around spreading rumors of Micaiah and her friends meat shields joining up with Pelleas and how they will totally kick Begnions ass, in order to fan the flames of rebellion.



Sothe brings up an excellent point, we aren't exactly well staffed, and Volug can only eat so many people before he gets full. So what are we going to do against an Army? Well if you ask me (and no one did, jerks) it would be to send Tauroneo with as many weapons as he can hold on his lonesome towards the capital while we wait for the fire works. Dude's fucking invincible.



Izuka's done his research and if we attack any of these places, we're assured of a victory and will cause many cities to fall in support of the rebellion. Okay see this isn't that hard to believe, I mean outside of Begnion being completely evil the resistance hasn't done much of anything besides hide out in the desert. Anyway Pelleas response to Izuka's planning?



Well 'Masterful as always' implies this isn't Izuka's first or last plan, and that either he's been winning their battles OR that Pelleas is full of shit. It's the latter. Regardless Izuka says we should attack Talrega since resentment runs high and it borders the frontier... wait shouldn't resentment always be running high no matter WHERE we strike? I've seen nothing to indicate that the people would do anything but resent Begnion.



So of course Micaiah shoots it down after turning on Farsight.



Here's her justification, the rains in the area would slow us down and it would be hard to fight, Jill supports this since she's from Talrega, though last I checked the problem was the flood gates being open and... you know what who cares? despite this talk of attacking a Work Camp we don't actually do that this chapter, it's next chapter, which has it's own brand of stupid. But I'll get to my problems with this at the end of this story segment.

Anyway Sothe asks where they should attack if not Talrega and Micaiah turns on Farsight again and says Terin



Well I do admit it's a better choice than pulling a Rain/mud ground weather fuckery, I'm tired of movement hazards from our small tryst with the desert. Anyway Pelleas response?



You are very easily impressed aren't you? it's like you just got done giving Izuka a blow job and then realized Micaiah said something reasonably smart, so you're going to eat her out. OUR LEADER ladies and gentlemen.

Jill asks how Micaiah even knew about the floods since very few outsiders know, well duh she's been traveling Daein since fucking forever, she probably just passed by Talrega during the rai-



Oh wait no, that would be a good explanation, She can predict the future. And again despite claims that she doesn't choose what to see, she see's exactly what she wants to see. And okay just to address this, lets say whenever she activates at WILL mind you, the Farsight where she 'doesn't choose what to see. This doesn't gel with Edwards request in the prologue that she use it to find when Leonardo will arrive. We have her close her eyes and conjure up the information to anything she wants but claims to not see it. You know what would be awesome? if she closed her eyes to activate and just said "What does lemon pie have to do with anything?" This is like being informed of a flaw in a power, but the flaw never shows up. The only flaw we ever see her run into is not spamming the power when it would matter, more on that in later events.



Anyway Izuka loses his shit because no one told him Micaiah could break the 4th wall and look at the script whenever she felt like it, and they should just follow what she says. and we end the scene on that.

WHY I DON'T LIKE THIS SCENE: I have no problem with Micaiah taking over the roll as strategist, and if it were me, I would have had her in the roll from the beginning of the game, so as to make this transition less... stupid. In the last chapter Micaiah said she has no experience leading an army or with any battle tactics, it's why she doesn't want to be a Vice General, and Izuka intends to use her as a figurehead. The thing is in the very next chapter (this one) she's taken over as the tactician and this continues until the end of the game, her plans never fail, so despite her informed inexperience she's apparently got a +20 to frigging intelligence because Farsight always rolls the way she wants it to. Izuka's role in Part 1 summed up right here

"I have a plan that is either Evil And/Or Incompetent."
"That plan is dumb."
"YOU DARE QUESTION MY GENIUS THAT HAS NEVER ONCE MADE ITSELF APPARENT?! FINE! DO IT YOURSELF."
"Here's a flawless plan that I psychiced up."

There, I've saved myself the effort of summing up every pre-battle event from here to Part 2.

WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE: We should have gone to attack Talrega, we should have been caught in the flood, and we should have survived only through superior leadership. We should have returned to camp, and gone batshit at Izuka for having us march to our deaths when he should have predicted the Terrain. The entire rebellion should look to be breaking over that, and then Micaiah (who could have directed the army to safety in the mission) and who's been pouring over the map since they got back, should say they should attack Terin. Why? She's been there before on her travels, the weather at this time is stable and not going to cause any problems, they can salvage this with one swift operation. Build up to this by having Micaiah ALWAYS being a tactician and directing the Dawn Brigade, have her say that, since she only got to know people during Begnions occupation time, that she lost herself in books whenever she could, and she has a large knowledge base of topography and war tactics. But she didn't bring it up because Izuka is the armies strategist and she hasn't had full war tactical experience. She's only speaking up now because all is lost if they don't pull themselves together right now.

That way

1. Izuka is shown to be incompetent at leading the troops.
2. Micaiah is shown to be competent when it comes to acting under pressure and coming up with a strategy when emotions are high.
3. It SHOWS that everything is hanging by a thread, and their actions need to be decisive or risk failure.

SHOW DON'T TELL, cheapening it by saying "I can see the future/God told me" means I shouldn't expect anything to hinder you anymore Micaiah, because you can literally see the fucking future. Yes I know what you're all thinking about in Part 3, I will bring those exceptions up when we get to Part 3. Specifically when we get to 3-7 since I know it's on the tip of your tongues, don't worry. And again, my suggestion would still lead to Micaiah being the tactician and to the situation in 1-6. The difference is in the execution, my much lauded problem with Part 1 is "Great in Concept, Poor in Execution"



Shops

I top up on a new Steel Sword and a new Steel Axe, I don't remember much else

Supports

Nothing happens here

BEXP

We top up Micaiah, Laura, Leo and Nolan and then dump the rest into Aran. We won't be seeing BEXP levels for a little bit.

Talk Topics


Outside the Village:



Villagers get wet over Micaiah showing up and fork over 1000G, Micaiah tries refusing but then Sothe remembers "Hey we're in a war and kind of need the scratch" so he goes and accepts it while he can. Micaiah gets pouty and Sothe?




Well then Kurth wants to talk so let's see what's up.



Kurth's over here talking with Almedha, she appreciates his concern but she has to stay and he correctly guesses for Pelleas, he decides to give her a gift before he goes though.



I fucking HATE you Kurt. You have destroyed all tension in Part 3, you on your own have destroyed everything from around 3-6 onwards because you are a dumb fucker right here. I despise you for this gift Kurth, a pox on all your house. He asks if Almedha remembers how to use one.



Fuck you Kurth, seriously an update will most likely have to be devoted to all the stupidity this fucking thing causes.

Anyway Micaiah calls and Almedha decides to exit the scene as Micaiah rocks up



Yes who would have ever thought the Psychic empath would be useful to the resistance? Anyway Kurth understands that she's off to perform duties as a General in the "Liberation Army" And I like to think airquotes were used in that scene. Kurth abhors violence and thinks Micaiah should sit this one out.



Although technically Micaiah's more of a pain of the ass up on the frontlines and she's really only seeing action right now because we need her level up. But hey Gameplay vs Story Segregation. Anyway Kurth has an item for Micaiah and hopes it will protect her, since he's getting the fuck out of dodge and combat frightens him



Micaiah asks if she'll ever see him again and Kurth says to leave it up to the Goddess. I think that's code for "Not until part 3"

He's given us a Renewl scroll, which is promptly slapped right onto Zihark, and if I was thinking more with my brain and less about LEVELSLEVELSLEVELS he could have really used it.

With our fucking shopping handled, it's time to fuck Begnion right up the ass



Laverton drops by to tell us that we're walking into a trap and even after finishing the mission I'm just going "What trap?" I think it's the fact we're walking through a Canyon with Pegs swarming us- and where did they even procure the Holy Guard from? They say that the Dracoknights are for the Senators and the Pegasus Knights for the Apostle, seems weird to see Pegs here when they should be Draco's. Oh well not complaining, Leo will feather them easily.



What the fuck are you even doing here Fiona? and why aren't you using Marado's troops when they are apart of the Begnion Army, Laverton? The funny thing is, either Marado isn't supposed to be here (if so, why are they here?) or they ARE and Laverton's just coming off as a dick for no reason. Beyond that why NOT send Fiona in first? every troop she loses is just another Daein soldier, and a Begnion soldier who doesn't die instead. seems dumb is all I'm saying.

Anyway Fiona says she'll just hang back and observe then, and COMBAT TIME!



Turn 1.



1st things first, Leo moves up and does nothing, Micaiah moves up as well and drops a light on a fighter for a level.




More speed is never bad, Meg uses this hole to move up and go fuck up that Fighter.



She gets a very un-Meg level but I am NOT turning down more defense on my bait bait... No I meant what I said the first time.

Tauroneo and Nolan do a rescue gambit to get Micaiah out of danger, and everyone moves on up. On the enemy phase an Archer attacks Nolan for a level.



Turn 2.



Laura moves up and heals Nolan for a level and forgets what class she's supposed to be "HELP?! HOW I INTO MAGIC? USE STAFF TO HIT? BLOCK BLADE WITH FACE"



Everyone else moves around on kill duty and Micaiah spies some armors to the north, her Thani tome growing hot.

STRATEGY: Aran and Zihark head north to Wall the armors while Micaiah rapes them with Thani and Ilyana looks pretty. Everyone else heads to kill the main force. While Sothe goes to collect treasure.

TURN 3.



Leo sees a soldier, the soldier gets brained for a kickass level. (Skill and Res capped)



Here's our formation on Turn 3,and We have to take out this Myrmidon/Armor duo before they kill someone else, so Laura moves up to heal Jill, who decides to swing around and put her in range of the enemies to the west.



I believe one of the Hand Axes missed the Lance Armor, and through combined effort we wind up with this



Now why am I letting Meg get kills at all? well the nature of "Vote in who I use each chapter" means I'm just giving myself a nice little buffer in case it backfires.

Enemy Phase time



Through counter attacks, Jill gains another level while cutting it VERY close (stupid Thunder Mages)



More strength and speed is never a negative.

Turn 4.



Micaiah Nukes an Armor with Thani,and Meg decides to fuck up the Lance Armor for a level



Hey Meg, I am not complaining at ALL about the defense, but some strength would not kill you. (Meg can actually take damage better than Nolan can if it wasn't for her Lackluster HP. this confuses me.) Everyone else moves around and heals/attacks as they usually would.

On the enemy phase, Laura barely survives getting raped by a Pegasus (Via Dodge) as does Micaiah (Via Tank), the third Pegasus decides to go after Tauroneo, evidently "Do not fuck with this man" was not a standard order among Begnion forces.



Turn 5.



Leo says "Fuck your Shit" to the Peg who almost killed Laura from Range 3, and Jill goes to pillage and rape the other one that attacked Micaiah.




Our army swings around ready to finish off the remnants of the Begnion forces.

We move Nolan up and most likely move to protect Laura (Screen Shots don't show) and end our turn

TURN 6
.



Micaiah, Light on the Armor, gets a level up and the Hammer



Nice.



A pan shot of the eastern front and Edward decides to get in a Dance Off with the Killer Edge Myrmidon



Edward owns the fucking dance floor, Sothe meanwhile decides to get off his lazy ass and do some damage to the Axe Armor to set up another kill.




Nolan decides to take out his armored ass and we end our turn.



On the enemy phase Nolan dodges a Wind Sword for a level.



My love affair with Anna continues.

A Pegasus comes down and tries to take out it's arch nemesis, but Leo has no time for it's shit



Turn 7.



A pegasus is wiped off the map by Leo's sniper skills, if he keeps up this string of competency he may be brought through to the end game.



Edward rips right through the Steel Lance soldier at range with the Wind Sword for yet another awesome level up.



Volug weakens the Pegasus a little, and we end our turn

Turn 8.




We've still got to clean house, so Leonardo follows SOP and feathers a Pegasus.



Nolan moves up and weakens the Armor.




Ilyana weakens the Pegasus for Micaiah to get the kill on. Leaving our only enemy as the Armor.



Jill nearly kills him despite the WTD, and we end our turn.

Turn 9.



We humiliate the armor by having Meg kill it, and this ends Stg. 1

[/spoiler]

I would like to take this interlude to say I really like the Multi-Stage maps, I just wish they were used more often, I honestly think that they should use these type of maps for arc climaxes, for example if this was FE6, I would make the climax of the Etruria arc be a battle through Aquelia City in a Multi-Stg Battle, before leading to the Grand Finale with the castle. Just my 2-cents though and since I'm Australian it means squat.

Back to the Action!




first things first, we move Aran right beneath Jill, we need a tank unit to take help with our goal. Now for the record Aran was a BAD choice here, since on a playthrough where the AI was paying attention, Aran would have died. and I would have had to reset again. honestly I should have brought Zihark, but I was too focused on gaining EXP with the Tier 1's.

Turn 1.



First up Nolan moves forward and kills someone with a Handaxe, and then Leonardo moves up and shocks everyone




He lands a Non-Redundant Cancel for the Level up, while his strength is Amazing he's going to need some speed so he can double, otherwise Leo's been proving me wrong this run.




Edward almost-kills the Fighter, and Micaiah wipes him the fuck out. Volug moves to the east to the height of his movement range and kills the Fighter there.

This is our Turn 1 end.

Okay... We've been alluding to this, we've been waiting for this. This is the moment Begnion shits away its credibility, this is the moment where, even if before hand, you took these guys seriously you could no longer. This is the day the teddy bears have their murder.



Hornets Hairs really does NOT gel with what's to come.



What... WHAT PRISONERS?! Where did you magically get these prisoners from? This isn't a camp. And if it is it's a very poorly devised camp what with the lack of buildings. There's no buildings off screen, And if we were right at the actual Prison Camp, then really shouldn't there be Ballista or something mounted on guard towers to feather us?



Well kid, infant Mortality rate is sort of 1/1 sort of 0/1, depends do we count "shot through the heart, but healed back to full health" as dying or not? so you chances are either excellent or shit.




No dude, you're just an evil dickhead.



Okay seems fair enough, Micaiah commands us to throw down our weapons, and Sothe asks if she can sense something (of course she can) We throw down our weapons and now here it comes the moment you've all been waiting for...



WHAT. DOES. THIS. GAIN. YOU?! IF YOU EXECUTE THE PRISONERS WE'LL JUST PICK UP OUR WEAPONS AGAIN AND NOTHING WILL HAVE CHANGED! LOOK YOUR GOAL IS TO STOP US FROM ADVANCING, YOU HAVE OUR KEY PLAYERS RIGHT HERE UNARMED, YOU JUST GOT US TO THROW DOWN OUR WEAPONS, WHY ARE YOU KILLING THE PRISONERS?! IT'S VERY SIMPLE! YOU ROUND US UP, AND THROW US INTO A PRISON CAMP, YOU ROUND UP OUR WEAPONS AND EXECUTE US WHERE WE STAND, HELL LEAVE THE WEAPONS THERE AND PULL A TRABANT AND KILL US! THIS IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING, THIS IS LITERALLY THE DUMBEST MOVE OUT SIDE OF "Aww I'm just playing guys, pick up your weapons so we can sort this out." WHAT IS THE POINT?! WHAT! IS! THE! POINT!?! OKAY SAY THE THING THAT HAPPENS NEXT DOESN'T HAPPEN, SAY YOU KILL ALL THE HOSTAGES... WHAT'S CHANGED? WE PICK UP OUR WEAPONS, WE KNOW WE CAN'T TRUST YOUR WORDS, SO WE WIPE YOU OUT NO MATTER WHO YOU BRING OUT NEXT! YOU HAVE US IN THE PERFECT SPOT, WITH OUR WEAPONS GONE, AND YOU CHOOSE TO GO CARTOON VILLAIN ON US.

BEGNION IS A FUCKING CARTOON, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY KILL, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY DESTROY, THEY ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE A FUCKING CARTOON!



AND ONTOP OF ALL THAT NOW I HAVE TO SAVE FIONA!



Jill gets a counter-level while she's rescuing Aran, since she drew the enemies from the bridge, all except one anyway. That's okay it's part of the mission.

Turn 2.



Laura moves up for a heal and another level and this time she remembers "Right, Priest!" when levelling up. not saying no to that Defense and Speed though.



Jill has already moved up to commence Operation: Save Fiona's stupid fucking ass! Whats that?

Fiona's AI is predictable in it's fucking stupidity, on 3 separate complete runs of this map it always performed the same action, which means it's actually super easy to save her stupid ass soldiers, but it doesn't change the fact they are so dumb

Operation: Save Fiona's stupid fucking ass!

You need:
Jill
Volug
A Meat shield with sufficient defense

Step 1. On Turn 1, have Jill Rescue the Meatshield and move her full movement (You need to clear her way first), Volug also needs to move his full movement range
Step 2. On Turn 2 have Jill Move up again just in front of the Begnion Army, and drop the Meatshield, she can also unequip her weapon to make herself more alluring. (haven't tested with the Meatshield unequipped)
Step 3. Move Volug up to kill the Soldier guarding the bridge. On the Enemy Phase, the enemy should all but 1 swarm Jill and the Meatshield. The remaining unit will go after a Marado Knight and cripple it. The Myrmidon by the Bridge will cripple a different knight, but the knights will not cross the bridge (one will even attack the Myrmidon)
Step 4. Have Volug clean up either the Myrmidon or the Knight who came after the Marado Knights, Jill will have to fly back and take care of the other. Make sure your Meatshield has enough HP to handle himself. (this is why I recommend Zihark for this part even though I used Aran, he should be able to Dodge/Crit everything his way no problem)

With those 3, you should be able to hold of Begnion and let the Knights escape across the bridge. which they could have done in 2 turns if they didn't suck so bad and their AI wasn't retarded.



Leo moves up for another kill, and Volug moves up for his part of the operation, ripping out a bridgemans throat.



during the Enemy Phase we document the Marado Knight getting his shit kicked in



You need this particular Knight to be attacked because he has a Sword, if an Axe one is attacked he'll be ORKOed



Another mistake of mine was not having Aran keep his Javelin out, without it, the enemies will consider him a more viable target than anyone else. and you don't want that.

Turn 3.



Leo again pulls off an amazing trick shot with his bow and wipes out a Myrmidon, I have Aran heal up and now it's time for the enemy phase


Turn 4.

JESUS TIT FUCK!



This is why weird, the screenshots show that Aran is on 15 health here, meaning that on full health he at a 14 strength attack from a Fire Mage, I understand that, that's the Fire Mage who's weakened. but the thing is the remaining Fire Mage has 13 strength on it's Elfire tome and he should be at 2 HP... but it didn't attack despite having 100% hit, and being right next to Aran.

What. Anyone reading this, this is not an effective strategy for dealing with these Fire Mages, I'm not sure if my game retarded out with the AI (it shouldn't have I don't think I did anything special) honestly the only reason I haven't gone back and done a 4th recording is because I'm so sick of 1-6-2 to last me a life time. Needless to say I have no idea how Aran is NOT at 2 HP, though speculation is the AI retarded itself.



Nolan moves up and cuts down the Knight who was hounding the Marado Knights and Jill moves to crush one of the Fire Mages hounding Aran.

And then rather than have Volug chew on the Mage, I leave it alone! Luckily it goes after Volug and he lives

Turn 5.

What's Micaiah been doing all this time? Dropping the Thani Bombshell on all those Knights, this is her bridge of power.



Leo moves up and weakens the Mage, who is promptly killed by Aran for a level




And WHAT a level.


Turn 6.



Micaiah continues her destruction on the small bridge, while Nolan kills off yet another foe for a level.



Nice, I heal up with my other units and then move on to Turn 7.

Turn 7.



New Verse, same as the first, now how about a shot of our allied battle field



we perform clean up and then end our turn in relatively the same position. I forget to screen it, but Leonardo gets a + Spd and + Lck Level, you'll see him at the end of the update.



Nolan gets a much better level of course

Turn 8.

Nothing happens. at all, no levels, no documented kills.

Turn 9.



Jill kills an archer for a level up.



Leo is Rescue Dropped by Zihark and Volug.



Turn 10.



Leo gets yet another kill, while Aran plays tank with the Sword Knight with a Wind Edge (forgetting his Javelin again)



Well we're almost done here, and yes we would have been done ages ago if I wasn't determined to kill ALL of these fuckers. I hate them so much

Turn 11.



Leo moves up and heals off his damages. I hate this map so much. Edward gets a kill and a level.



Bleh, this and Leo's levels have been my worst of the map, I'll have better luck on 1-7.



Nothing's left but the Boss.

Turn 13. (That's how long until something happened)




Micaiah picks up a nice level to end the map. And I am just so happy to be fucking DONE with this map, done with the shitty ass writing, done with the suicidal ally AI. SO. FUCKING. DONE.



Quit you're fucking Messiah Complex bitch, it's not like Begnion doesn't kill people for kicks, besides why was he even here? If the 'Prisoners' were from the camp, then why was a child among them? if they aren't from the camp, why are they at the battle to begin with? fuck this mission.

Anyway the little shit wasn't scared because he knew the Dawn Brigade would save them, I don't know why the 'Dawn Brigade' is more famous that the Revolutionary army considering they achieved squat and consisted of like 5 guys.



Yes, thank me, you're stupid ass fucking soldiers COULDN'T CROSS A GOD DAMN BRIDGE! anyway Fiona reveals herself to be the Lady of Marado and the daughter of Lavenga



Who?




First of all, that's a dumb fucking song. Second of all, Daein hasn't been at war since forever, only minor skirmishes. So the song makes no sense. Third of all, who the FUCK is Lavenga? Tauroneo is a Boss, Greil was a Boss, Bryce was an idiot, yet a Boss. We never see this asshole, they only name drop him in an attempt to make Fiona sound important.

NOTE: Fiona will never be important

Fiona now asks forgivness at the feet of Saint Micaiah and she says that she only led her people, but that she needs her help against the child killing, mustache twirling Begnion, Fiona agrees and says we can use her army as we see fit.

Cannon Fodder it is then.



Meanwhile at Cobra Commanders Lair



Okay that guy is like half an inch away from a hilter-stach. Also Jarod you say this in a way that sounds almost surprised. Do you mean you didn't realize that rampant slaughter and mistreatment of the people you're supposed to be ruling would be a BAD thing? Stop the fucking presses...

Jarod says there have been 3 insurgencies in the past day alone, and they quelled them all and that the unrest is growing, Hitler von Satan Evil, do you have any remarks?



Fan-Fucking-Tastic. Jarod says that never the less, as the insurgance grows news could reach... Begnion...



THEN WHY ARE YOU PERFORMING YOUR EVIL IN SUCH AN OPEN WAY?! YOU'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH THIS FOR 3 YEARS BECAUSE BEGNIONS LIKE "Should I check up on Daein? Man I can not be fucked".



Sephiran wandered in secret around Crimea when he wanted to discover the truth behind the situation. And yet he can't be arsed to do the same for Daein? Man Sephiran you used to be cool. Anyway if Sephiran happens to catch wind of their schemes then there would be problems.



Well Baron Cocksmear the 18th is certainly one to shun responsibility, yet I prefer this. This is the Begnion I expected, one who performs evil actions but does them in a way that could not be traced back to them. Instead we got... well what we got. But Jarod has a plan!




Working out Great!

Jarod says he has their little lambs on the loose to take care of, and I certainly hope he doesn't mean us, because Jarod we've been kicking you and your soldiers ass with no trouble.



FUCK. THIS. MAP.


VOTE TIME

Since 1-7 is actually a deployment map where I can't deploy my entire army, you the reader have a chance to vote for who I will bring. Due to the nature of these polls you'll need to post your votes, and I will tally them

Here are our units.

EDWARD



LEONARDO



NOLAN



LAURA



ILYANA



ARAN



MEG



JILL



ZIHARK



FIONA




The upcoming map needs me to deploy 6 UNITS, and I'm bringing along NOLAN no matter what so this leaves you with 5 UNITS TO VOTE FOR.

7 comments:

  1. Utterly frustrated? You shouldn't be thinking so hard!

    And to think there could have been a more consistent and reasonable way to tell the plot in the game's untranslated harder modes, but nothing to be done about that.

    Also, I nominate Meg because I'm a butt like that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I nominate Edward, Leonardo, Ilyana, Aran, and Fiona.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Edward, Jill, Laura, Aran, Leonardo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Edward, Laura, Ilyana, Aran, and Jill

    ReplyDelete
  5. If you could choose Zihark i'd bring him along, but you don't have room so:

    Edward, Leonardo, Jill, Aran, and Laura.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Take Ilyana, Aran, Laura, Jill, and Meg. Because I want to see meg turn out good

    ReplyDelete
  7. Laura, Meg, Ilyana, Fiona and Jill

    ReplyDelete